Psalm 103

Praise the Lord, O my soul
all my inmost being, praise his holy name
Praise the Lord, O my soul
and forget not all his benefits
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases
Who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion
He satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's

My good friends know that when I start scribbling these verses on stray scraps of paper, I'm not responding to a heart brimming with thankful emotions. More likely, I am trying to wrestle my heart into submission, prying its fingers off of self-pity, begging it to let go of questions starting with "what if" or "why not." "Praise the Lord, O my soul. I mean it - praise him! " I say as if rebuking a child to clean his room. I remind myself, He has rescued your life from the pit. You wear a crown of love and compassion. You are beloved. You are beautiful. You are treasured. You have not been denied anything you need. You will taste the sweet joy of desires redeemed for good and youth renewed with hope.

I get lonely sometimes. I sometimes feel as if there is little constancy in my life. I don't know what I will be doing one year from now, but I fear it will involve starting all over again in a new place with new people. I've done it before, and I survived. In fact, I became an adult in that experience and knew the mercy and compassion of God in ways that strengthen my faith even now. But, it wasn't fun. It was hard, tearful, terrifying work. The days were long, the loads were heavy, and I felt as if there was no one to help share the burden. There were wonderful people at church and at work that I eventually grew to depend on, but, at first, you don't know who to trust and who to avoid. I see those days coming again, and I just sigh. No one listens to your stories at night, and in the morning, when people ask you how you're doing, they're onto the next task before you can answer. It just leaves you empty inside. I will face those days again, but I do not look forward to their coming.

It is with this in mind that I say, "Praise the Lord, O my soul / All my inmost being praise His holy name." I tell myself not to forget His forgiveness, His healing, His restoring. I tell myself not to forget His power. I have to remind myself again, again, and again my Lord is the Lord of the Resurrection. Nothing is too hard for Him. My soul will be steadied. My desires will be conformed to His, and they will be sweetly satisfied. My youth will be renewed, and the Lord's faithfulness will be abundantly evident.