Still stuck

My care is stuck in park again. Anyone have an idea of how much a tow costs? My insurance company will pay $100 towards a tow and a fix. I'm trying to decide whether I need to pray over my car until it shifts out of park or if it would be cheap enough just to go ahead and get a tow.

I asked my Dad to talk to our friend at the dealership in Clinton in case he had any ideas what could be wrong with it. Our friend told us to call a locksmith. I called a locksmith. He was very nice, but said they deal with ignition problems, not transmission problems. I said I know, but sometimes the key won't come out of the ignition either and that my dealership thought it was all connected and had told me to call him. He got his manager, who radioed his top technician, who said that it wasn't a problem with the cylinder in the ignition but rather something to do with the track in the console moving back and forth. Okay. No locksmith.

So, now I'm looking at a NAPA autocare shop. I'm very sad and frustrated right now, not to mention stuck, and really need some people to hang out with.

That's all.

A little beaten down

It hasn't been the kind of day that leads to pleasant dreams. My car is still overheating and needs a costly repair. My car wouldn't shift out of park this morning and is still stuck in the garage, but that's not what is bothering me. God will take care of my transportation needs (although I will be disappointed if that means depending on other people for rides for a whole year) and it'll be okay. Right now I'm just really longing for a conversation with someone who's not a seminarian - or at least someone who isn't going to act like a seminarian for a little while. Theology matters, I know, and it is good to come to conclusions even on what is not explicit in Scripture in order to discern false teaching or misguided methodology. However, sometimes I'd just like to hear someone say "I don't know" or "I don't understand" and acknowledge the mystery of God's ways. When hearing about my background, I wish someone would engage with me a little bit and try to draw out some strengths of traditions I come from instead of ignoring them or laughing at perceived flaws in them. And, just from overhearing conversations, I'm thinking that there are few people harder on people in ministry than people in ministry.

I'm tired, and I know it. Plus, this is not a typical week. My main mentor/boss is out of town this week, so I'm working with other people. Plus, Debbie and Eric aren't home this week, so I'm all by myself. I know that simple isn't necessarily more holy, but I long for a conversation with someone who doesn't seem to have it all figured out.

Sidewalk

A little girl with blond pigtails and silver sandals practicing jumping over sidewalk squares.

A homeless man with a swollen backpack and a taut stomach.

A toddler riding on the shoulders of a young man in flip-flops

A man in an electric wheelchair walking a golden retriever.

Four hot Starbucks drinks and two folded cardboard boxes balanced by a woman in a black dress.

Two girlfriends sharing a cigarette.

Three boys practicing gymnastics over a mail box. One is good. The other two are pathetic.

Backpacks, briefcases, hobo purses, dogs on leashes, strollers, I-pods on joggers, and a cell phone gracing the ear of every third person, this city-street window is by far the most engaging work space I've ever enjoyed.

Happy Dance

I'm all by myself right now, but just imagine me doing me I-got-my-late-fee-on-my-credit-card-removed dance.

Disclaimer: No, I'm not in the habit of paying credit card bills late. I was a mere 45 minutes late in paying this one on time - and I payed it in full.

GPS, head gaskets, and other things I don't really understand

After not being able to find the POST OFFICE today, I've decided that's it, I'm getting GPS. It'll cost me $10.00 a month plus air time on my cell phone, but I don't care; I'm sure I spend at least that much on gas while driving up and down the foothills of the Rocky Mountains trying to figure out where I am. The other night, while I was lost, I realized that I was in the mountains and I thought to myself, Why am I in the mountains. I live east of the mountains, not in the mountains. Why am I in the mountains? Plus, my car is acting up and is getting close to overheating on a regular basis. Eric says there is oil in my coolant system, which he says is really weird since there's not coolant in my oil. But that's apparently good, for if there was coolant in my oil that would mean there's a head gasket problem (whatever that is) and that kind of problem costs several hundreds of dollars to fix. So, let's just hope the WalMart guy accidentally got some oil in my coolant and all it needs is a flush. Here's to the adventure of waiting on the Lord for finances. (I still think $10.00 a month over the summer for GPS is a good investment though.)

Meanwhile, it's been a pretty good week here. It's hot, but not unbearable, and elk, moose, and prairie dogs are exciting diversions for an Illinois girl. I'm searching for a place to do my work when I don't have to go into city office, and I have not yet found it. I think the best place I've found so far is Panera, though when I walked in today looking for that perfect nook, table by table looked up and stared, I mean stared, at me as I walked by. And then once I was outside the restaurant an angry goose came out of nowhere and raised its wings up at me, squawking at me and drawing the entire parking lot's attention. As far as I know, there was no toilet paper streaming out of my pants or blood pouring out of my nose.

Bri and Jared are getting married in an hour and a half, and I'm so sad that I'm not there right now. A few years ago when I first heard Bri had a boyfriend, I disliked him immediately because I knew no guy could ever deserve Bri and I was sure he did not appreciate her for all that she was. I was wrong, though. The first time I met Jared I realized that he was probably the only guy in the world worthy of her and possessing the mind and heart to treat her as she deserved. They've waited a long time for this day, and I rejoice for them even though I can't be there. Their exchanging of vows is going to be one of the most beautiful moments in the world today.

Things I have learned:

Ninety-seven degrees in Denver is not like 97 degrees in Illinois.
Despite, or probably because the lack of humidity, the Colorado sun will broil you to a crisp.

in denver now

I'm exhausted. And feverish. And slightly nauseated.

I shouldn't be surprised, for things have been a bit of a whirlwind since Wednesday morning. Dad and I drove to Nebraska Wednesday and completed the trip to Denver on Thursday. I found my place (which is incredible, by the way), found a K-mart, a US Bank, and a grocery store. Dad and I spent Friday in downtown Denver and Saturday in the mountains. He left this morning, I went to church, out to lunch, and then to a church barbeque tonight. Sorry for just the stark facts; I really don't have the energy to elaborate. A lot of it is emotional exhaustion, and I'm frustrated in my confusion about God right now, so my heart can't rest. We sang "It is Well with My Soul" this morning at church. The second line reads, "Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, let this blest assurance control, that Christ has regarded my helpless estate and has shed his own blood for my soul," and I am finding more pain than comfort in those words. I'm having such a hard time saying, "It is well with my soul" when it is not well with so many other souls. How do I rejoice in my salvation when so many others do not know Jesus? Where is joy while others are perishing? What about others' helpless estates? How am I not haunted by their destiny? I love the Lord, and I know He will help me understand this or at least lead me to peace in the not understanding; but right now I just hurt and am sick with worry and grief. Paul said, "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in death..." I need to know the power of His resurrection if I am going to survive sharing in his sufferings. My heart needs to change, for my confidence in that power is weak right now.

Asleep in the home of Arbor Day

Guess what, folks? Iowa looks just like I've always imagined it, except grain elevators were conspicuously absent. Hmmm...anybody have an explanation?

Also, I have confirmed that Nebraska really does exist. I'm spending the night here in Lincoln, and Dad and I will continue on to Denver tomorrow morning. I'll let you know if Nebraska really is as long as it looks.

Time to go

I'm not a person who likes leaving places. Maybe that's why I'm always late. I tend to want to stay wherever I happen to be at the moment. After all, there is always something more that can be done, someone else to talk to, or another minute to enjoy; and, therefore, I let go of the present regretfully. It's nice, therefore, to feel like it is time to go. That's how I feel tonight as I prepare to drive to Denver for my summer internship tomorrow. I've spent the past two weeks with my parents, which from the bright morning sunshine spilling light over my bed to glimpses of comets and stars peeking through tree top canopies, has been beautiful. I hate leaving home, for it is never just for a short while. Yet tonight, I'm ready. Mom and Dad are ready to have the house and their lives back to themselves. I'm ready to be busy with some endeavor again. It's time.